My heart aches for the insecure woman who feels shame being in a crowd of people because of what she’s going through in her private life that nobody realizes. I was her over 20 years ago. Nobody knew the silent pain I dealt with behind the scenes of words spoken that were leaving scars.
Let me share a story.....
A few years ago, I attended the Atlanta Actors Awards hosted by Kelvin Harris aka “K.Chill” It was a fabulous night and a huge experience for the Regina Sunshine Global Network to be represented with Focus Forward with Robin in the House at the Event. However after crazy experiences to getting me there finally I was able to get set up. Of course I was told I was late, like I already didn’t know that. But they escorted me to the Red Carpet area where flashes of cameras and noises were filling the big room. I was put on the end. The very end. So like me, I jumped in and didn’t portray that I was so nervous and just did my best to fit in. I was able to get a few interviews although I felt out of my comfort zone with all the cameras and lights flashings and people passing through.
It was totally crowded and and no way I could interview everyone.
However, if you know me I stay challenged up so I was making it work. Then boom! All of a sudden this big man starts screaming at me pointing his finger in my face saying I have to keep the line moving. It shook me up bad because 1) he yelled at me in front of all the people standing around 2) because it’s been over a year since I’ve heard someone be that aggressive with me and 3) it wasn’t even me holding up the line! It was the couple in front of me!
It just looked like I was stopping the line because I was the last person on the end. When he yelled, I was so embarrassed. I decided, I would pack up and go put my stuff away and just shut myself down. On that long walk to the car I was thinking, I wanted to give up and just go to the hotel, after all I had only a few sleep because being at a fashion Show interviewing for the night before.
So as I reached my car, I was greeted by Mr Jeff Dickerson and his lady. He didn’t know I was shaken up. But as he was talking to me and telling me about his Godson Troy Bland, I began to feel comfortable in our conversation. So I decided to go back in, and just do me. I decided to do videos as I do “on the go” not scripted or formal but just me as my bubbly self. I still was aLittle nervous as this was a big event with a lot of theatre and movie celebrities from Atlanta and other parts of the states too.
I decide to walk the room and all of a sudden I hear my name and it’s non other than Celebrity Actor Ron Godfrey who is running up to hug me with a big smile! After that, I felt I could be Focus Forward with Robin again!
I interviewed several more people and had an amazing night. The show was fabulous with the opening act and afterwards I met models Timothy Tobias Sansbury from Black Panther and Dari Lo the gorgeous sweet fashion designer. I also met Stacey who was so full of life!
I also helped clean up at the end carrying stuff to the car for Ms. Kimberlee Slaughter and on my knees pulling up the actor stars on the floor. I loved it though because that’s what I love to do is help!
But I was able to get an interview with the main man who put the event together Mr. Kelvin K Chill Harris himself. Everyone wanted the stars interview, but I like to always focus on the ones behind the scenes who make things happen!
As I went back to my hotel I went downstairs to eat a salad about 2:30am and I was reflecting. The man that yelled at me almost shut me down. While walking to my car earlier that night, I had a flashback of 20 years ago when I was so insecure because of negative words spoken over me I missed out on family nights at football games. I remember my ex and kids would go and I’d stay home because my esteem was so low I didn’t think I had nice enough stylish clothes to wear or I felt wouldn’t know how to have conversations with the crowd in the stands. When that man yelled, it reminded me of being in a shell afraid of a crowd, just like when I was in my 20’s. The man didn’t mean any harm and he realized what he did because he apologized to me later for being hard on me. So I actually thank him for that moment because it reminded me I am not that young insecure woman anymore! I know how far Ive come to be confident in who I am. Where I once let a man define my worth I now can say my worth is defined by how I view myself!
Who would have known I’d host my own Radio -TV Media Show, travel the USA meeting strangers in crowds interviewing them and be secure in who I was born to be? Only God knew!! I’m grateful for the mistakes because it’s the mistakes that have brought me from my pit 2 purpose life!
If you are dealing with insecurity, find you a good mentor or coach. I had no one back then so I suffered in silence with insecurities of what I looked like or the impression of what people thought about me until about 10 years ago.
Some people don’t understand why I share my heart so much and decide to be real but it’s in my realness that lives are changed.
How did I overcome my fears? I had to choose to believe in myself when I felt nobody believed or understood. Each one of us is different and we all have a unique quality to bring out the best in us. Don’t let anyone’s opinion hold you in a box of fear to be you! I don’t care if you are a man or woman because both genders tend to tear each other down with words! My prayer is that this blog will encourage somebody tonight that you are destined for greatness if you can only believe! Live life to the fullest and choose to be free to be you! Choose to be settle-free! The right people will love you for who you are!
Robin Shockley
LegacyVisionary Leader. Community Advocate. Professional Maximizer Motivational Speaker. TVHost. BLOGGER/Columnist www.FocusForwardwithRobin.com